Consider yourself lucky, the doctor told me, extremely lucky.
I'd been laid up for days with a nose that wouldn't stop running. No amount of cold and flu medication worked to stop the flow. I wanted to tear my face off.
He asked whether I'd done anything unusual before I fell ill and I confessed I'd snorted a line of cocaine, offered to me at a party.
"You're allergic to it," he said. "This is great news. You'll save yourself a lot of money and a lifetime of regret."
That was 40 years ago, a time when cocaine was glamourised and synonymous with wealth. I spent the rest of my adult life avoiding the stuff - and not just because of my allergy.
People I saw using cocaine became instantly unlikeable. Loud, boastful, reckless, inflated and inconsiderate. Pumped up with pharmaceutical self-importance. Put simply, they were dickheads.
Somehow, apart from one gathering a couple of years ago, I've managed to avoid the snorters for at least 20 years, quite a feat given cocaine's surging popularity in Australia.
We're among the highest countries globally for per capita consumption of the illicit drug, with the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare's National Drug Strategy Household Survey 2022-2023 estimating 4.5 per cent of the population aged 14 and over had used cocaine recently. Most were males in their 20s and 30s. A quarter of the people who'd used the drug were diagnosed or treated for a mental health condition.
Our appetite for the white powder is reflected in the frequent seizures by the Australian Federal Police, the most recent of which set a record at 2.7 tonnes, the equivalent of three million street deals. No wonder the drug cartels see Australia as a lucrative market.
As the Sydney Swans scandal erupted, it was hardly surprising that alongside the sexual assault allegations cocaine use figured too. The AFL has been accused of taking a limp approach to weeding out the snorters in its midst.
Two years ago, independent MP Andrew Wilkie alleged in federal parliament the AFL had tried to cover up the extent of cocaine use among its players. Those who tested positive in in-house tests, Wilkie alleged, were encouraged to fake an injury so they wouldn't be caught by the anti-doping regulators. They'd claim they'd pulled a hamstring when in reality they'd pulled an allnighter fuelled by nose candy.
Wilkie told news.com.au he wasn't surprised by the cocaine allegations that have surfaced because the reforms the AFL made to its drug policy after the 2024 scandal fell way too short.
Of course, the problem is not limited to AFL or even the NRL.
Last week, tennis player Nick Kyrgios revealed on social media he had been suspended from competition after testing positive for cocaine in June.
"I made a huge mistake and I take full responsibility for it," Kyrgios posted. "I'm sorry to my fans, my family, my sponsors and everyone close to me. Above all, I'm sorry to the kids who follow me. I know the example this sets and I'm deeply disappointed in myself."
But Kyrgios also saw the positive in his own coke bust: "... the good news is that this has given me a wake up call."
I wonder if, like me, he'll remember that wake-up call in 40 years' time and be glad he acted on it.
HAVE YOUR SAY: Do sporting codes like the AFL and NRL need tougher sanctions on players caught using cocaine? Are you surprised by cocaine's growing grip on young Australian men? Email us: echidna@theechidna.com.au
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IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:
- The headquarters of Victoria's CFMEU have been raided as detectives probe kickback allegations. Detectives from Taskforce Hawk, established to tackle criminal behaviour in the construction sector, executed warrants at six addresses on Monday morning.
- Consultancy firm KPMG, under fire for practices in its audit business, will cut its local workforce after being suspended from applying for government contracts.
- New Zealand's conservative coalition government will introduce a bill to parliament to ban children under 16 from using social media, and proposes fines of up to 10 per cent of a platform's global revenue for non-compliance.
THEY SAID IT: "Cocaine is God's way of telling you you are making too much money." - Robin Williams
YOU SAID IT: Communications Minister Anika Wells has promised a register that will allow people to block gambling ads. But what about those other annoying commercials that can ruin a good night's viewing?
"Apart from replacement remotes being very expensive due to mute-button failure, (personal protest against TV pollution) have you psychologically blocked, 'Where d'ya gettit?" asks Brad from Corrimal (thanks, Brad, you've reactivated a long dormant earworm). "I note the most hateful and hurtful ones you listed have now infected cinema screens as well. Anika Wells needs to hear the groundswell of community anger growing. It'll sound very much like, 'Not. Happy. Jan!'"
Alison writes: "'This is Bruce ...' works a charm: like Pavlov's dog, I instantly hit the mute button. Can't Woolworths spend their money better, such as passing on the savings to shoppers?"
Jeanette finds car ads particularly aggravating: "Apparently if you buy the car being advertised you can jump off cliffs into the ocean or run along the edge of a cliff without any risk of falling off. And you will be able to drive on any type of road above the speed limit or what is safe for the conditions. There are enough tragedies on the road without this type of unintelligent marketing."
"We certainly agree with you," writes Jane. "Bet365 has to be near the top. Cadbury 'a glass and a half in everyone' makes no sense and irritates those who remember the original which at least did make some sense. Absolutely agree about bogans in 4WDs. I don't actually remember what make the vehicles are, but they are really irritating. At least we can mute ads. If possible, I pre record, then skip the ads. We haven't watched commercial stations for ages, but I imagine it's still bad. Captain Snooze is etched on our memories."
Jill writes: "Just let's get rid of Trivago, all varieties and versions. What, you didn't check Trivago? I even gave it a capital letter, which it doesn't deserve. And Youi ..."
"For years I've preferred to watch ABC and escape the ads yet now they have their own ads for their TV shows, including those on iView and other ABC channels," writes Jennifer. "They're on repeat, so after every show finishes we hear the same ads, again and again. While that's annoying, they do not interrupt the TV show being watched. Some great shows are on elsewhere like SBS but the frequent ad breaks spoil viewing throughout."
Baker Dave writes: "Most adverts I mentally switch off however the KFC ones showing disgusting eating manners do a good job in putting me off purchasing that product."
"All ads annoy the living $&*# out of me," writes Sue. "But I would love to see an occasional showing of the Toyota 'bugger' ad of years past. It always brought a smile to my face. No, it didn't prompt me to buy a Toyota, in fact I can't think of a product I have bought as a result of TV advertising."
Murray writes: "Among the many random things that inhabit the old noggin, is a memory of an ad for 'Murray River Dog Food, made in Wodonga', circa 1972. Complete with voiceover from a gravel voiced ol' drover and image of a kelpie that looked like it could have used a couple of tins, it comes to mind whenever I see homebrand dog food cans in the supermarket. The labels are a reminder of a simpler time, when dog food cans simply said 'Dog Food'."
"Wow Echidna, you've opened a can of worms here!" writes Liz. "Too many to list but the 'Where do you get it' from the 80s still gives me the horrors, and the Trivago and KFC ads have me fumbling for the mute button. Annoying ads do influence my purchasing though in that I blacklist all of them."
Old Donald writes: "Oh, Brother! John you hit a raw nerve there! The crap KFC encouraged us to gobble down every five minutes or so during the test cricket match, and the illustrated poo-binding problem on pay TV (to name two irritants high on my execution list) give nausea a bad name."
"One word: Trivago (it's not even Australian)," writes Alan from Burrill Lake. "Oh, and endless promos for Doc Martin, Father Brown, Call the Midwife, Heartbeat, etc., etc."
Jan writes: "I solve the problem by literally never watching commercial TV. The ABC's ads promoting their own programs are bad enough and SBS is far worse. That is when the remote button comes into play. I silence the ads and go and do something useful instead until the torture is over."
"To state the obvious, free-to-air has to be paid for - if all the annoying ads are removed, there would be no ads left and no incentive for advertisers to put their ads on the TV," writes Paul. "The end result - no free-to-air. But, you are right, so many jingles live free-to-air in my brain and come forward more easily than the things I'd l like to remember."
Andrew singles out Harvey Norman: "The volume seems to increase (albeit somewhat handy if you've just nodded off)."
"My top turn-off are the Trivago ads - smug entitled guys with blinding white teeth arrogantly putting down other loud big-noters," writes Danny from California Gully. "I would rather sleep in a bus shelter than use Trivago to find a hotel. And then the car insurance ads where really careless dopes smash things and proudly extol the virtues of one insurer over another. I would rather insure my car with a company that insures sensible careful people - the premiums might be lower. And BCF - confirming everything I have ever thought of a certain class of campers."
Sandra's solution is simple: "Gave up TV years ago, love reading my books - no ads."
Peter Broelman's view ...
